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Sexual Intimacy Beyond Performance Anxiety

When we live in a world often fixated on performance metrics and achievements, the realm of our intimate relationships are not exempt from the pressures of expectations. When it comes to matters of the bedroom, the question that arises for me: who do you really care about when you're attached to your performance ability in bed?


I have sat in conversations with many grappling with performance anxiety, a deeply felt experience that extends beyond the stage of a theatrical performance to the more private setting of one's bedroom. And what these men are realizing is that when they focus on being a "performer" in the bedroom it can inadvertently shift the spotlight away from the essence of true connection and intimacy. 


You may feel stuck in the grips of shame for “not” rising to the occasion. This is natural however I write this blog to offer perspective and possibly help take a step in a new direction that will lead to more intimacy and better sex. 


I think we all are aware how crucial it is for a fulfilling sexual relationship to access the untapped erotic creativity within yourself that you may never have realized pleasure existed. When you are caught in the idea that your cock has to be hard to be of value, or to share intimate pleasure this will only deter you from feeling this pleasure. 


I encourage you to talk to your lover or sexual partner about your fears around performance. Have the conversation be a doorway to learning about your lover and about yourself. Ask them what they find pleasurable in your shared sexual playtime. There answer may surprise you. In many occasions such conversations have felt like foreplay to me. It turns me on to learn about my lovers pleasures, to listen to their fears and unexplored sexual curiosites. 


Genuine intimacy is cultivated through open communication, trust, and emotional connection. Placing excessive importance on performance can hinder these essential elements, leading to a potential disconnect between partners.


I know in my body when so much emphasis is placed on achievements in bed I lose my arousal and connection with my lover. This defeats the purpose of shared pleasure which is why we came together in the first place.


Self-awareness plays a key role in breaking free from the confines of performance-centric thinking. Understanding that intimacy is a shared experience rather than a solo act allows us to embrace vulnerability and authenticity. Instead of fixating on achieving a particular outcome,  let the focus shift to mutual satisfaction, emotional connection, and the overall well-being of both you and your lover.


I know you enjoy feeling good in your body!


The truth is everyone experiences fluctuations in performance, so let's acknowledge this and speak to the elephant in the room. Big exhale... Ahhhhh, you are not alone!


External factors such as lack of sleep, stress from a long day, unspoken emotions, or health issues can impact anyones abilities in the bedroom.  Fostering an environment where both you and your lover feels accepted and appreciated will open you up to feeling and sharing more pleasure. This feels safe. 


Communicate openly with your partner about desires, concerns, and expectations. Having a mutual understanding and empathy create a foundation for a resilient connection. Sometimes just listening or being heard without a lover wanting to fix you is enough to calm that manic mind down. 


The question of who you really care about when attached to your performance ability in bed prompts reflection on the nature of true intimacy. Shifting your focus from performance to connection can lead to more fulfilling relationships and better sex.

So Embrace vulnerability, communicate openly, and prioritize the shared experience over individual achievements for more satisfying intimate connection and pleasure you never knew was possible. 

[If you enjoy reading my musings, I'm sure you would find my personality even more delightful in person - let's plan a date! I am passport ready for you!]

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