You Get to Define Your Sexuality on Your Terms
Updated: Jul 7
Good Luck to You, Leo Grande, have you seen it?
I had some friends suggest I watch it and many were curious about my thoughts on the movie. Having various connections in the world of sex educators, therapists, and escorts/professional companions. And it seems only natural each one would have their view on this movie based on what angle they were watching it from. I want to do my best to share my multi-angle view here.
The important ending is that a woman was able to discover her erotic pleasure and define her sexuality on her terms. She broke out of the box of society, old messaging, and what others told her it should be. That in itself is a celebration in my view.
There was real humanness and rawness to it. Yes, it was messy, and from my experience discovering life and my sexuality has had many messy, awkward moments.
The movie highlight the subtle nuances of pleasure, not the huge fireworks so many have been taught about what sex is but rather the subtleties that often are overlooked.
There was a holistic nature to sexuality portrayed in the film that I feel so seen in my work and for so many colleagues doing amazing things in this field.
It was clear that there were many etiquette rules overlooked in regards to client/escort privilege. On the very first one spoken, in real life, the escort would have walked out or instantly asked the client to leave.
I can understand how being nervous can lead to unclear conversations and fumbling a bit. However, asking about his work, his real life, and using his real name are all absolute NO and big red flags in the escort world. With the earlier part of the movie kicking off with so many etiquette no-no's, I can understand why those in the escort world were very turned off by the film.
What I loved was the way the male escort's character has a level of compassionate understanding, emotional intelligence, and ability to hold space (that was his job in my view) which helps his client to discover, learn and evolve at her own pace and timing. In my opinion, this is the gem of the movie. These qualities are invaluable as an escort, and that can often go missing in the world of sex work.
It takes presence and a lot of skill to be able to redirect a client in a way that encourages and doesn't force or condemn, making one feel shamed.
The outcome I saw for the older than 50 woman, is she was able to discover her erotic self, and learn what pleasure was to her and not what family, society, or someone else told her it was supposed to be. She had the courage several times to hire a sex worker, who was much younger than her and trust the process of intimacy and connection.
This outcome is why so many of us do this work as educators, coaches, therapists, and escorts. This is needed in the world.